The Award Goes To
by Captain IT
Summary: What kind trouble have Jim and Tim got me into now? For my third anniversary on fanfiction: A tribute to cpneb.


**Forward: **_What kind of trouble has Jim and Tim got me into now? This was to be my Fannie Award presentation speech. A tribute to cpneb._

**Disclaimer: **_All characters of Kim Possible are own by Disney and Mr. Bob and Mr. Mark ( Come on guy! If you let me have Shego, I'll let you keep Marlene.) All other characters, vagabonds, thugs, geeks, lawyers, carpitbaggers, scalliwaggs and reality-show groupies (YUCK!) are property of their respective authors ( and they know who they are. Ain't that a shame?) Me no profit, me having fun. The Fannie Awards belong to Zaratan. MagsB. and Sato belongs to cpneb. The BE4000 belongs to JAKT. Sad to say all the authors appear as themselves in this story._

**A/N:** For my third anniversary on fanfiction I though I would present the presentation speech I was to give at the Fannies this year. I was inspire by Ran Hakubi from his story "Ran's big Goodbye" in which he gave his presentation speech for us to read. Alas, we may never know who the winners of the awards are. For on a beautiful spring day, one of our wonderful elite writers, Ben Allen Francis..aka: cpneb, was suddenly taken away from us. Neb was putting together the Fannie Awards when his untimely death occured. We are left with a void of not knowing who won what award or what was on his computer at the time he was writing it. We may never know the glitter and glamour of the show itself by his interpretation of it that we would have love so much. Therefore, I would like you, the reader, to at lease have a small experience of what would it have been like though my speech. This speech is dedicated to cpneb...my friend.

This speech was presented to neb one month before his death. I hope he was able to read it and got a big kick out of it

_To Neb_

**The Setup:**_ I arrive at the award show with my escorts of the evening. First was my date, Miss Kyoko from Nakasumi's toy...oh ya! she's hot. Next was my C_ousin_ IT and his friend Lurch that I invited.( Don't ask me how I was ever relative to the Addams Family. That was one strange family reunion. Glad I was drunk at the time.) It was now time to present the award for Best Short Story. Zaratan introduce me and the tweebs to the stage._

_And now:_

**The Award Goes To...**

Jim and Tim walked out on stage together wearing very nice conservative tuxedos.

"Ladies and gentleman" said Tim.

" Tonight our co-presenter will demonstrate" said Jim.

"Our new and improved"

" Containment field."

" This field is capable of withstanding"

" The force of a "

" Armored truck or a BE4000 or"

" Our sister's cooking...bleaaa!" said the both of them.

Everybody had a good laugh while Kim was fuming.

"Just you wait till we get home you tweebs." said Kim quietly as she was pounding her fist.

" So without further ado"

" Here he is"

" The Captain that can make it happen"

" And we're glad we're not doing this"

" CAPTAIN IT !"

A round of applaud was soon given way as people was spitting out their drinks and started breaking out into hysterical laugher.

There he was... Captain IT... riding Buttercup on to the stage wearing an oversize sombrero and playing a spainish guitar.

" Say! Isn't that a jacka** riding a jacka**?" said Ran Hakubi.

" How do you know the different?" laughed Shego.

" Did you lose a bet?" yelled cpneb.

With a sour look on his face Captain IT just sat there on Buttercup and shook his head.

"That's the last time I sign a contract with your brothers Kim to work on my car." grumbled IT.

" Quiet car monkey!" said Jim.

" Your taking us to Mr. Fudgie's after the show." said Tim.

" I see they also got you with that neener clause too Captain." laughed Ron.

Finally Captain IT dismounted Buttercup. The happy donkey let out a loud "hee-haw" as it left the stage.

" WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR ACHING BACK?" yelled IT.

While Captain IT was having words with the donkey a small commotion was going on at the villian's table with the Captain's Cousin IT and Shego.

" Captain! Will you get your dog off on me? There's leash laws in the city you know." said Shego as she was fighting back Cousin IT.

"Cousin IT, I told you to bring you own date tonight. Lurch! will you get him off Shego please?"

Lurch carefully grab Cousin IT by the scruff of his neck and placed him back at Captain IT's table next to his date Miss Kyoko. Shego grumbled as she was brushing off the loose hairs from her dress.

" Gaa! I think he was about to hump my leg." growled Shego.

" Can we please get back"

"To our demonstration Captain?" said the boys.

" Let's get this over with you two, we got an award to present." sighed IT.

The boys took out a small remote control and pointed it at IT. An orb-like beam surround Captain IT as he stood inside the sphere.

" And now if everybody would look up and to the left of the stage there is a two-ton steel kicker beam on a rope supported by another rope holding it back."

" We will cut the rope swinging the beam straight down on Captain IT thus our new containment field will stop the beam from hitting him. Sis, would you like to do the honors?"

Kim Possible with the most evil grin on her face that would send shivers down Shego's spine came up on stage with a pair of hedge clippers ready to cut the rope. Captain IT looked over with wide eyes in fear.

" I've been wanting to get back at you Captain for that chapter in your last Christmas story in which you learn about my dirty little secret from my folks." said Kim as she let out a giggle that sounded just like KT's evil giggle.

" GET ME OUT HERE YOU TWO! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!" scream IT as Kim was cutting the rope.

" Bombs away Capella! " said Anabri standing next to Kim as the heavy beam came hurling down on Captain IT.

" _This is going to hurt_!" was the only thing on Captain IT mind as the beam came beared down on him. When the beam hit the field, it then split right down the middle in two and laid in halves there on the stage. Captain IT opened his eyes to see he was still in one piece. The boys were dancing around the stage in triumph.

" I'M ALIVE!" scream Captain IT happily as he shook his rump at the audience.

" Darn" said Kim. "The one time I wanted one of their experiments to fail and this would be the time one worked."

" Daddy?" cried Anabrl to Ran. " I really wanted that beam to mangle him."

" Your crying?" said Shego. " I just betted Kim's cousin Larry a date with him that the beam would splatter his guts all over the stage."

Captain IT just happen to overhear all the disappointments from the female genders in the audience on their bets against him. He was not at all in a good mood.

" Why you bunch of female turncoats. After three years of coming here making me your punching bag,pack mule, and lap dog. Here...you wanted my body mashed into a hubcap? You ladies are really low. Well let me tell you ladies something. I'm glad now I'm in this containment field and you can't touch me because now I got a few thing to get off my back about you bunch of shebeasts."

At that very moment, MagsB. lead the orchestra and his band in a boisterous off-key version of the 1812 overture. The audience roared with laugher as Captain IT stood there grinding his teeth.

"VERY FUNNY YOU GUYS!" shouted IT.

" Captain, your no more scarier than Frugal Lucre..or Drakken's inventions...or even worse...Mace!" laughed Kim.

The audience was having a good laugh at the Captain's expense. But then, with a evil grin, the good Captain decided to pull the ace out of the deck.

" Your right Kim, just like there's one scary thing about you than your sixteen styles of kung fu...YOUR COOKING!"

You could have heard Rufus munching on a chesse stick as the audience was in shock that even Captain IT would ever bring up the great taboo of Kim Possible. Kim looked like she was about to blow a vein as Ron tried to calm her down.

" Uhh Captain, we need to talk to you." said Tim.

" Not now Tim,... I'm on a roll." evilly grin IT.

" Time for audience participation folks. Here we go. Her cookin is so bad..." said IT as he pointed out to the audience.

" HOW BAD IS IT?"

" I'm glad you ask. Her cooking is so bad I saw two flys at her kitchen screen door trying to patch up the holes in it so other flys can't get in."

Everybody was laughing out loud as Kim was turning red with anger.

" Captain! stop what your doing...please?" begged Jim.

" In a minute guys. Her cooking is so bad I broke a tooth on her homemade yogurt."

Ron was waving at IT to stop what he was doing as he could have sworn he seen Dante's inferno coming from Kim's eyes.

" You got to stop now Captain." pleaded Tim.

" Give it a rest you two. I'm going in for the kill." laughed the evil Captain." Her cooking is so bad the only cook book she ever read was... get this... "Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for Dummies"."

" LET ME GO RON! I'M GONNA KILL HIM." scream Kim as Ron was trying to hold her back. Even his MMP was not much help holding her.

Jim and Tim ran up to the Captain and grab his shirt collar.

" Will you listen to us?" said the both of them.

" Hea! how did you guy get into the containment field unless...the field...has..been...turn...off...ohoh!"

"That's what we been trying to tell you for the past five minute."

" KT and Anabri kind of "sweet talked" us out of the remote."

" They then took the batteries out of it that turn off the field."

Captain IT look over at KT and Anabri. Both girl were each holding up a battery and were giggling evilly at pupils on IT's eyes shrank to the size of sand grains.

Ron look at the Captain shaking in fear.

" Dude, you do not want to see what's behind you."

Too late.

Captain IT turned around and saw Kim Possible with what look like a torn piece of the beam she had in her hand. The scared big-mouth Captain look like he was drench with bleach. He was white from his hair down to the tips of his boots.

" Batter up Captain!" said Kim as she took a swing at IT.

Captain IT then jumped off the stage screaming and hid behind his date Miss Kyoko.

" Please help me Miss Kyoko! She's about to go all Lizzy Borden on me".

Miss Kyoko just rolled her eyes and shook her head. She then stood up and looked the Captain straight into his trembling eyes.

" As they say here in America: No way Jose! You got yourself into this, now you get yourself out of it. Beside, I'm running off now with your Cousin IT to the Bahamas so your on your own...Peace!"

Cousin IT patted Captain IT on the back as he tip his hat and let out a hearty "woo-hoo" as he and Miss kyoko left the building.

Captain IT just stood there as Kim got nearer with her make-shift steel club and was then join by KT with a newer and bigger version of the BE4000. Neb came over a put hand on the Captain's shoulder.

" I just want to ask you one question Captain IT."

" What is that Neb?" cryed IT.

" What do you want on your tombstone? And I don't mean the pizza."

At that very moment when Kim was going into her mission mode and KT got him in her crosshairs did Captain IT pointed to the back of the hall and shouted as loud as he could.

" HEA! IT'S THAT A BIG PAN OF SATO'S PEACH FRIED PIE I SEE?"

Everybody in the audience looked back where IT point to. All they saw was whitem coming back front the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper on his shoe.

Whitem look at everyone staring at him.

" What?" he said as he threw up his arms.

When the audience looked back to see where Captain IT was all they seen was a puff of smoke, streak marks left by his boots, and a lonely tumbleweed rolling by them.

" I'll be back in a few minutes everybody. Boys, go ahead and present the award." said Kim with a smile on her face. " KT, may I borrow your BE4000 for a moment? Please and thank-you."

KT then looked to the audience and put a finger up to her lips. " Shsss! be very,very quiet. Kim is hunting Captain IT." Then she let out her evil giggle.

Jim and Tim went back up on stage.

" Ladies and gentleman."

" This years nominees for Best Short Story is"

( Insert nominees here)

" And the winner is"

Just then a brilliant flash of a bright green light could be seen over the building's skylight as the audience let out a choir of "oohh" and "awww". A moment later Kim was seen entering back inside straighting out her dress while holding a smoking BE4000.

" It will be a while before he plays the violin again." said Kim.

" But he plays the bass guitar." said Neb.

" I know." said Kim as her ,Neb, Anabri, and KT all four let out evil giggles.

" **The winner is:"**

**A/N:** _I wish there was a winner of this award. But everybody is winner as long as we keep Kim Possible alive and well on here. _

_Time now for " Flame The Captain". Send in your reveiws or maybe some bandaids, a wheelchair and blood donations and as always we thank-you for your support._

( Ron): "Dude, better get some ice on that."


End file.
